garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
