I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
