How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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