Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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