Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
