I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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