This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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