I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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