Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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