this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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