I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
