Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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