I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
