I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
