I think i peed on brittanys purse
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize