The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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