dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
