I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
