He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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