Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
