can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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