Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
