closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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