but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
