He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
