false alarm. still invincible.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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