Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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