The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I've blown a few things in my day
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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