i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
