Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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