This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's shark week go big or go home
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
