Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
