she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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