Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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