I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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