Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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