And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
there is puke in my bra ... again
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