Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
