Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
