peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
