Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
