What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize