I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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