so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
