Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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