someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
