Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
