yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
