Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
