my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
