Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
