I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My cat gives me a boner
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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