kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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