I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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