i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
