haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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