Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
