This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
