I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Randomize
