Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
