I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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