is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
