everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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