I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
