Betty ford says i'm here all night
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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