I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
