'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
