You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
